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New Year's is an Excuse to Slam a Cocktail
...and boy do I have one for you!
Vocalist Ash Tapper here, with a blog entry on my favorite subject: BOOZE!
Before we imbibe, I'm going to announce band news first: everyone who caught us busking the street corner last night, thanks for the love! All that tip money you threw at us is going right to the CosmiCamel Initiative as part of our annual holiday gift. To those who've never heard of this charity, they provide FREE books to kids in low-income areas as well as help fund local book clubs and libraries. We've played a few of their benefit concerts in the past with silly censored versions of our greatest hits so the kids can get some good rock in their ears. If you haven't already, check 'em out!
Now for the fun part. I always say that the end of the year is when a Poor Man's Consolation tastes best. As a longtime resident of West Herd, I've had all sorts of different variations of our city's signature cocktail. But on a chilly desert night, NOTHING warms the bones or soothes the soul like the classic version.
"But Ash," you may be yelling at your computer screen, "I can just search online for recipes for a Poor Man!"
To that, I say: if you're still calling it a Poor Man and not a Consolation, you haven't spent enough time in West Herd! And if you have, you've spent too much time in the casinos. Their overpriced sugarwater swill barely counts as a Consolation.
The old legend is that this drink was originally made with leftover ingredients as a "pity drink" for gamblers who'd lost everything. Casino versions with fancy edible glitter and expensive garnishes are an insult to the drink's legacy. But there is a middle ground: the standard recipe that was developed in the early 80s, which contains pineapple, lime, and prickly pear juices with reposado as the base and a few drops of habernero bitters. Delish!
(Side note: If you ever want a Consolation that'll knock you flat on your ass, try Murphy's Law over on Woolson Street. They've got some kind of secret ingredient I've never been able to identify, and it makes the whole thing taste like heaven. They've got the Ash Tapper seal of approval!)
Without further ado, here it is, no frills, no shortcuts... an authentic West Herd style Poor Man's Consolation! And it's so easy to make, even a beginner bartender can throw one together.
Poor Man's ConsolationTo a cocktail shaker with ice, add the following ingredients:
1.5 Reposado Tequila
0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Pineapple Juice
0.5 oz Lime Juice
0.5 oz Prickly Pear Juice or Syrup
3 drops Habernero Bitters
Shake, strain, and serve.
For those of you who are not me and want (or need) a weaker drink, here is a recipe modeled after the casino versions.
Pour the following ratios into a margarita glass and stir gently.
1.5 Silver Tequila (or water, if you want a virgin cocktail)
2 Pineapple juice
1.25 Lime Juice muddled with about 1/4 slice of Jalapeno
1.25 Prickly Pear Juice or Syrup
Garnish with two ice "rocks" made with 1 part water, 1 part ginger beer. It's a common West Herd casino gimmick to use gemstone shaped ice to show that all wealth is fleeting, but any shape works. If you don't want rocks, adding a splash of ginger beer directly to the mix works just as well.
So there you have it, your basic but authentic Poor Man's Consolation recipes, straight from the Epicenter of Excess. You can bet I'll be whipping a bunch of these up on New Year's for the boys... and maybe have one tonight myself.
Stay Smokin'! Peace!
Reminiscing
YO, SINNERS!!! Lucky Fine at the helm today. This week's entry is brought to you in part by my ever-sexy boyfriend Ash Tapper, who was the ONLY Vice Man to remind me that it was my turn to post. I'm going to have to clobber the other three (with love) for forgetting alongside me.
My fur's been extra thick lately, which means winter's here no matter what season the calendar says it is. There's even a layer of white powder on the sand. It's super thin, but everyone is still talking about it!
Snowy days in the desert are so rare that they always remind me of the winter when the band first got together. It was colder than hell that year, too. Fun fact: Smoky was the first one to respond to my flyers. Guy was fresh out of college and talented as hell. He had the first draft of The Influence stashed in his notebook, but to this day he's never let me see it! He's always been self conscious of his early work. I don't think he should be... he's Smoky Smooth!
Adding Winston to the crew two months in was an easy decision. He was busking the street corner opposite us and we had a legendary jam session that cemented us as bandmates for life. Back then he did acoustic guitar, but you could always tell he wanted to go electric. You could see it in his eyes, even if they're always hiding behind those damn purple hippie specs. Ha ha!
I don't actually know who introduced Piper to us a month after that. Some drunk chick at an art festival handed me his business card and I never saw her again. (He doesn't know who she was, either. Whoever you are, thanks, mystery camel!) We were all surprised when a young professor in a sweater vest showed up at my garage door, and even more surprised when he explained the cattle tag in his ear! I could tell you the story behind that tag, too, but I think I'd rather heckle him into telling it in his next entry. Outwardly he might look like another corporate drone, and he talks like a goddamn encyclopedia, but we wouldn't be The Vice Men without him. And I mean that literally, cuz he was the one who came up with our name! Ha ha!
Long-time fans of ours will remember the years before our crazy backup vocalist Ash Tapper brought his energy to the band. We were relieved to see that most of our fans stayed with us after his public coming out. We did have to say "good riddance!" to a number of our usual venues though. Vice Men have no time for 'phobes, especially not 'phobes who only book indie when it's convenient for them. Thankfully, we haven't had to deal with that kind of shit in a long time. The world really is healing!
Well, thanks for joining me on my stroll down Memory Lane! Hope you all enjoyed our little backstories.
As for band news: We've finally replaced the beach sand in our pants with good old desert grit, which means we can get back to our usual schedule of venue hopping. We'll be running our annual mini-tour come February 2026 for West Herd and a few of the surrounding cities. If you're in the area and haven't seen us in person yet, bring your favorite lighter and get ready to ROCK!!!
Peace, Love, and Smokes! <333
Returning to West Herd
Greetings, sinners. Your favorite bassist, Piper, has returned to West Herd (The Epicenter of Excess!) and I've brought you a souvenir: news involving the re-release of The Influence.
Before I elaborate on that, an urgent update. Some of you wrote us after our last blog post asking if we were doing okay after the fireworks disaster at the Bombard the Beach finale. Rest assured that the boys and I have returned to top form aside from the stress of the Turtle Soup song rights battle, not a flickering remnant of shell shock to be had. The last lingering ailment afflicts dear Smoky, who misses his nighttime motorcycle drives at Costa Grande. I have reminded him that it's the exact body of water that forms our own West Herd Bay. He insists it's not the same. He may be right. I've half a mind to drive one of my classic convertibles down there myself on our next hiatus to cruise along the coastline. For hours.
Without further ado, our special announcement. Turtle Soup Records, after a lengthy argument spanning several months, has graciously given us partial rights to our own song. This is less than ideal. Nevertheless, the wiggle room we are allotted is more than enough for us to eventually put our song on Spotify for our fans all over the globe.
The track isn't quite ready for public release yet. There's always some shit to deal with when you think everything's finished, isn't there? Because of that, we have no release date other than "hopefully early next year." I suppose we'll see how that pans out.
There's no more to say this week, so I'll conclude this post with:
Mind your habits, but stay smokin'.
Our First Blog Post!
What's up, sinners? It's Vice Man Smoky Smooth live (LOL) and in the fur.
After fifteen years we're FINALLY moving off of the SandDune social network (FUCK TARGETED ADS!) and starting our own site with a weekly blog. You guys have been asking for an actual band blog for forever so we're all getting off our asses to try our hands at it. Will we be as good at blogging as we are at music? Who knows!
I'm writing this post from my private suite in the DePaul Hotel at Costa Grande. The Bombard the Beach festival this year is one of the best we've ever been to.
Some behind-the-scenes highlights of our adventures at the Big Coast:
If you've never had the pleasure of meeting Winston in person you can't keep him from two things: longass guitar solos and climbing things. First free minute we got he started asking where the highest spot in town is. Turns out it's a palm tree in a place we had to swear to keep secret. Winston says the sunsets over the ocean look better up there. I told him it would look the best from the seat of a roaring motorcycle. He didn't believe me.
When we went to dinner last night Piper was suspiciously absent. How were we supposed to know there was a three-story bookshop across the street? He swapped mealtime for browsing novels and handing out autographs. Sometimes I don't get that guy. He of course ended up getting hungry and bumming snacks (and one of my Ricky cigs) off Lucky whose room has been steadily filling with any local delicacies he can bring back home.
Ash Tapper as always is living up to his last name and checking out the local breweries every nightfall. He's got a discerning tongue for alcohol (as do Lucky and Piper) and has been indulging in beer flights along the boardwalk. We'll party with overflowing glasses of the best brew on the last night.
If you've got your own hog I personally endorse the Costa Grande coastline as one of the greatest places I've put my motorcycle to pavement. The moon looks bigger here somehow. It's real romantic. Not that I've got anyone at the moment! (LOL)
Now for some band news: Those of you who saw us early this year might remember me announcing something about a re-recorded version of our old breakout hit The Influence with new background vocals by Ash Tapper. That's still coming I promise! We're battling Turtle Soup Records over rights issues. Sucks but it's our fault for playing the game too hard in our early years.
It's about time for my afternoon Ricky break and there's not much else to say. So I'll leave you with one last piece of advice:
Stay smokin'!